each day lolololol suppppp
so yea bombs dropped the past couple of days in lol life but whatever stuff is stuff whos a thug yea you know who is


i secretly wish for certain failures in life. not hard to guess what they are because they are selfish. lol selfishness.

experiences being what experiences are, i sacrificed a whole shitload for no reason at all. i thought they were good reasons at the time
well i take that back
but shit

i have incredible gas right now and i totally forgot where i left off in my terrible autobiography so maybe ill just start some point random - the purpose of this journal is to insure that when i have alzheimers if livejournal is still around in the year 2525 i will be able to rechronicle my life through my babbling

you sold a website today and are finishing up work on another one

i like smoked the last cigarette i had in my possession today about 4 hours ago - im kind of having this craving but im really lazy and kind of just want to sit here/lay here - my daughter is on the laptop behind me playing dora the explorer animal adventures

i was a fairly shitty father during the beginning stages of isabellas life - i probably changed under 10 diapers total for the first yr or so and just assumed the role of breadwinner alone - jolene went through most if not all of her pregnancy alone in most respects because if i wasnt grinding i was pounding drinks because shit im 20 i have a family on the way to support - which is really a shitty excuse

my dad never changed diapers either - i cant really blame my dad for a lot of my behaviors, but people do a great deal of learning by example. i think i just tried to emulate my father in a lot of respects - were fairly close now, but growing up i didnt spend a great deal of time with him

oddly enough, i remember telling myself i wish my dad would scale back his working so he could spend more time with us because i would have rather had him around than have an abundance of money - then i go and carbon copy the same playbook almost instinctively. luckily now i think my daughter and i are extremely close and she loves me dearly and i love her dearly and i just want to love and protect her

everyone has a slightly odd past present and future and i seriously doubt anyone has a picture perfect life - even bill gates kids get grounded sometimes. the incredibly unprofound cliche of you just have to take what you are given and work with it is what it is

i only got about an hour and a half of sleep this morning - plus im getting sick - i stayed up playing magic the gathering with heath sal calvin dan andy and my brother for about 10 hours and we didnt quit until 730 - i shot the shit with vino for about an hour then calvin had to run to his parents house so i slept on the couch with bella and mysteriously woke up at 10 am and so did andy

i always enjoyed building and painting models, so i bought some warmachine figures today - its a game like wh40k which i used to play quite a bit, but i just think painting is a relaxing hobby - its one of the few things im not particularly good at but im good enough to take pride in my work - so i expect to paint some models during downtime when im incredibly bored or just need to relax and forget about life for a little while

i have a severe lack of hobbies which i mentioned before because every hobby ive ever had winds up becoming something of a job - i doubt though its possible that ill ever wind up professionally painting little figurinesfor extra dough

oh well i have programming to do and lives literally hang in the balance